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I’m 36 so I consider this is my last chance to be a beautiful young woman that doesn’t get misguided for a boy. I’ve tried buttock implants, don’t do it. I had to go back to Thailand to have it detached. It made the backside of my butt bigger, which in turn actually makes the side of you look even smaller. It just look ridiculous. The doctor lied and said he could make it look like hips is bigger. But to some doctors, they use hips and butt exchangeable like is same thing when it is not.

I also just had fat relocate even though I knew it was not a sure thing. First off, I went into it having very little fat to take off from anyplace. They took fat and moved it, but is only small difference and only at the bottom of my hips. I still have indentations on my hips. It looks like my waist is bigger than most of my hips. It only measures bigger because of my butt, but from the front I look like I indent instead of curve. I realize how much this pains women, as it pains me very much. I have gone around wearing foam pads, but I don’t want to spend my life feeling like a cross dresser when I am a woman and not a man. Crying or Very sad so I keep looking for something to help like all of you.

Next thing I will try is a filler. I read hydrogel is bad, however there is this filler used for AIDS patients who get lipoatrophy called PMMA. It isn’t approved in US yet, but they apply it in South America. I still think it will be a minimum difference. They always seem to be able to use these things on the butt, but for some reason they always feel like it cannot work well on the hips. But I will try anyway. One place said could make more difference from behind than from front. But many people look at people from the front so I want to look like a woman from the front. I already look like a woman from behind basically because my butt is not flat.

After the implant tragedy my butt never entirely went back down. I still have a little pain at times and the muscle never heals. I had an MRI once for a different injury and it happened to get the buttocks on film and they noted there was injury and inflammation to the area and this was like two years after the implants were removed. I feel like hips more than anything in the world so I will pretty much try anything once. I’m doing it for me and everybody else in my situation. If something works, I will let you know. I know how you feel. Sometimes I just want to cry, even when I’m at work and I sit there and feel like I will never be able to fix this one thing about myself that I hate the most about myself. I can’t help but look at other women all day long thinking hips like that would be perfect for me, can’t I just have that too and I know it is so unhealthy to spend each and every day feeling like this and looking at other women and being jealous and feeling uncomfortable. I haven’t gone to the coast in years, but I’m going this weekend because my friend wants to go, but I dread how unhappy I will be while she is standing there with hips and I am standing there hiding under I don’t know what yet. Anyway, feel free to drop me a line if you have any tips or just want to wallow in misery together.

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